In this moving and painful memoir of growing up from age five to adulthood, the author paints a sad and all too familiar story of early sexual abuse from men whom she should have been able to trust that evolves into a shattered sense of self-worth, and ultimately her own dysfunctional and abusive marriage. The story relates how little Barbara came to be vulnerable to such trauma after the break-up of her family and being shuttled among various, not always willing relatives. She details the highly effective and shrewd tactics predators use to keep their victims under their total control. The unrelenting theme throughout is her constant longing for her mother’s elusive love, always just beyond her reach. This is not a story of self-pity but a story of surviving the odds and creating the life you want.